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Petition ID 5775: Kraken Misplacement
Submitted Wed, 27 Mar 24 21:35:35 +0000

The jungle monster "Kraken" was clearly written with the intent of it being on the failboat.
For refence:

You get roughly shoved into the cage. With a snarl fueled by your adrenaline, you shove your shoulder back into the bugger that dared to haul you around. "You know Her favour doesn't care whether I beat your sodden noise into a pulp or..." but in return you get only the raucous laughter of the failors and the metalic screech of the cage door slamming shut.

Your eyes turn into the cage, seeing a massively ripped woman in the regulation unflattering overalls and try to fight the nervous gulp. The spiteful cachinnation from behind prove that you failed. "Ey luv, got anybody waitn' on ya bac'on the land?" She tilts her head to one side as you find your voice missing, "Ehh, no diff' ta me." She pops her neck and cracks her knuckles, lunging at you!

You raise your arms in a desparate effort to survive the coming onslaught, when the whole FailBoat shakes, tossing her against the bars of the cage. Perhaps some titan fell back into the sea? Regardless of what caused the very ground to shudder, you lower your arms with a growing grin as this fight suddenly became winnable. In a moment of pride you raise your fists and start to take a step towards your opponent. Before you can take more than a single step, the wall explodes inward, and a large, slimy tentacle forces itself into fight. It feels around the cage and finds the other contestant. "Waaaa! HEEEELLLLLL NO!" With a cry of panic she turns, swinging her arms in the mightiest strike she can mange.

You stand there dumbfounded as the Kraken yanks out your fellow contestant, and a whole new wave of adrenaline floods your system. You edge back in the moment of primal choice between fighting, and fleeing. Unbidden by any but your instincts to survive, you fruitlessly try the cage's gates, but of course no they're locked. The choice is made for you, to fight for any chance of survive. With a battle cry boarding upon terrified, you charge the Kraken and it's tentacles.

You have defeated Kraken!
You stand on the edge of the FailBoat, one hand supporting you by holding onto the edge of the newest hole in the side. A ghost of a smile drops from your lips as you realize no cameras caught your moment of glory

As its author, I fully accept that I probably hit the wrong button and it got assigned to the jungle. This is a beyond low priority request.

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